I write to you, an angry man. I write to you, a sad man.

And I write to you, words. Very angry words.

I was patrolling some website because I wanted to see how feminists think. (they've already got their rights, now, btw: and they want moar powar)

I... stumbled across a posting. "I went to my college english professor, and he said I should write my essays for 'hims' instead of 'theys'". For example, you'd say, "If a person were to buy a hamster, and then give it a mouse wheel, he would be a good owner." because it's apparently proper. But the girl wants to say, "they would be a good owner."

First, even if that is correct, that's bullshit anyway. You're not writing to a certain gender, so you should write "they". (unless, of course, you are) And you know who made up that rule? The head of the American English Department in Somewhere, New York, sipping his coffee, saying, "M'yes... yes I do believe we will make it standard and proper to refer to the reader as a male, considering apparently all women do not know how to read." He said that - true story.

But what makes me angry is the thought that one day there will be a reader who will dislike my words, even though they're right, and dismiss me. And he will do this because my articles are written, in his college-graduated eyes, "incorrectly".

I'm going to list the things that to my knowledge, I am doing incorrectly:

I'm talking to you. Hello!
I'm not capitalizing things like "English professor" because my hands are cold.
I'm doing things like starting sentences with "but" and "and".
I don't have topic sentences, but I usually do have conclusions.
Throwing in some humor so I don't lose you monkeys.

And that's off the top of my head. If there is some college-graduated guy out there, who does know something else I'm doing wrong, mail me at Vael [at] vaelvictus.com. I'm genuinely interested.

So, Mr. I Graduated College And This Is A Big Time In My Life For Me And I Will Snub My Nose At All Who Have Not Spent Four Years Plus Of Their Life In College, the following words are for you:

It doesn't matter how I type things. It matters which words I'm saying, and how you take them in. Now you can give the argument that if my writing is too illegible, you won't be able to understand my point. Well, my writing is quite clear. If you don't understand what I'm saying now because I don't have a topic sentence, you most certainly are not mentally mature enough for my writings, and would probably spend your time better by:

* Taking up gardening.
* Knitting a sweater.
* Making dinner.
* Posting uninformed and irrelevant replies to peoples' blogs.
* Killing yourself.

This also applies to real life things. Let's say you're talking with someone about something, and you pronounce something wrong. Or even worse, let's say you made a grammatical mistake! (using "good" instead of "well") It is rude of the person, and also distracts from the point, to point these things out right at that moment. If they do, instantly, point that out to you, tell them that that's nice and you thank them for the correction, but you are there to make a point and their distracting you shows that they show either disinterest in the topic, or that they want to feel more intelligent as you crush them. You know, as a compensation.

So in conclusion, I suggest all who are in college English and writing essays switch out of that class if possible, because beyond structure of the essay and maybe some suggestions, you can't be told how to best express yourself. I'm not going to hold myself back or waste my time impressing preppy college 'grads with arrogance issues.